18. What to do if your brother sins against you
Often in our Christian relationships a brother or sister grieves, or sins against, someone else or against me. I see it, and try to act as though it didn’t happen. The devil, the accuser of the brethren, continually reminds me. It soon becomes a major issue, and I build up a barrier between myself and that person. Then I am out of fellowship with him (or her). And the whole work of God suffers as a result. To brood over an issue can poison the whole mind and life of an individual. Eventually it begins to fill our horizon.
A. Christ’s procedure - vs. 15-17
1. the all important factor:
Christ wants a pure church;
we must maintain the unity of the Spirit, at any cost;
we must maintain the love of the fellowship, at any cost; he who sees his brother sin, and keeps silence, is equally in fault with him.
2. the Biblical procedure
calm down first;
forgive them before you go;
seek an opportunity through prayer - then:
approach hem/her alone - Go to him privately, just he and you. This guards his reputation, and makes it easier for him to repent. Go personally. Don’t write or phone. Letters normally cause more trouble than good. A letter can be misread or misunderstood. It sometimes conveys a tone which the writer never intended. Face-to-face is better.
confront him with his fault - state your basis
- Be gentle - Your motive is to win your brother back again, not to make a fool of him or to simply expose him.
- Be specific - Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t take your frustrations out on him. Don’t bring up his past failures. Just that one sin. Don’t judge.
- Humble yourself - Don’t act superior. Let him know, that you understand, that this could have happened to anyone, including yourself.
~ Gal. 6:1 - Brethern, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Don’t pass judgement.
~ Matt. 7:1-2 - Do not judge, lest you be judged yourselves. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it shall be measured to you.
- Be loving - Go in love, remembering, that love covers a multitude of sins - (1Pet. 4: 8)
Seek to win them back, not to drive them out.
Pray before you go.
Pray while you are there.
Pray after you leave.
3. if they don’t listen, take one or two witnesses
your choice of witnesses - Those that are spiritual. Those that stand for the Truth. Those that will not be biased and will not seek to vindicate friends. After all, you could be wrong. You might be misled or misinformed.
the reason for witnesses - To help the process of reconciliation. They can create an atmosphere where we can see ourselves as others see us.
4. then take your case before the church - let them decide prayerfully
The hallmark of a disciple is love!
Jhn.13: 35 - By this all men will know, that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another ( = if you keep on showing love among yourselves).
In this atmosphere, saturated with prayer and Christian fellowship, personal relationships may be righted. The Church’s judgement is to be love and truth, and not the letter of the law!!
5. if he still doesn’t respond, excommunicate him
You can no longer treat him or regard him as a fellow believer and true follower of Jesus Christ. But you must still love him and seek to win him back again. Never slander him. Make it easy for him to repent and return.
B. Christ’s proclamation - vs. 18
If the Church follows Christ’s pattern, He endorses the decision and outcome:
if the offender repents, Christ forgives and accepts;
if the offender has to be excommunicated, He supports that decision.
C. Christ’s promise - vs. 19-20
as we agree, He is in our midst;
as we agree, He works - we should agree for the offender’s restoration;
prayer must go hand in hand with discipline. Matthew Henry said: Pass no sentence which you cannot in faith ask God to confirm;
we are to forgive always - vs. 21-22 .